i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
