I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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