i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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