i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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