Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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