she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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