She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
