i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
