i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
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i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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