Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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