with your own penis?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
