Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
