Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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