right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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