Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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