I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
