I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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