guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
