I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
