Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
