We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
