Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
