I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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