Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
