We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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