dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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