Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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