youre lurking in front of me
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
