6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She's JV to your varsity
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
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i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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