My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
A bitchslap is in order.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
