I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
