I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize