Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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