found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
