I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
