literally had 100 drinks last night.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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I wish they made helmets for livers.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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