So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
