I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
