You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
