i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
