I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
