i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
