Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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