You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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