who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
