i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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