I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize