So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
