i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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