Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
