weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
