OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
