well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
