can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
