she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
