i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
