you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
