Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
