I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize