Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
