sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
