the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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