Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
