i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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