whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
