I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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