have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
