Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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