I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
