i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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