dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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