just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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