It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
