u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
