the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
