Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
