to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
