i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
